


The Song Remains the Same

by heaveknowsffs



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, LGBTQ Character, Multi, Tour Bus, Touring
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-14
Updated: 2021-02-11
Packaged: 2021-03-11 03:33:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 13,601
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28058481
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heaveknowsffs/pseuds/heaveknowsffs
Summary: Alternate Universe Dean and Sam Winchester where John died at the beginning of the story and the boys were adopted by a loving family. Sam goes off to law school and ends up meeting Eileen whereas Dean learns guitar and follows his passion for music into the road becoming a roadie for the band The Pretty Reckless where he meets Cas.P.S.: Characters of the show that appear are going to be fit into new roles for this story and there will also be some original characters just because I want it to be more diverse, I'll try to not describe minor characters though so you can imagine them as you see fit.P.S. 2: The Pretty Reckless are a real band that I love and I thought would fit well into the story because they're not that big yet and I know the songs pretty well to make some references ;) Though every character related to the band is made up and any similarity to real life was not my intention at all.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 4
Kudos: 9





	1. Waiting For a Friend

**Author's Note:**

> This chapter references smoking.

Dean wakes up, cranky as usual. He gets down from his bunker, puts on some black jeans and a black t-shirt. He starts walking down the bus, saying a small hello to everyone he passes, getting his shoes and a shirt on the way out. That's how tour life is: busy, from the moment you wake up until you go back to sleep. As Dean steps out of the bus he sees some of his co-workers and friends chatting, smoking, or drinking coffee near the venue. Dean walks inside the building and finds Alejandra, the tour manager, setting up signs to where everything is. He mumbled a quick "Morning" as he thought "I need to get some coffee, fast". Fortunately for him, Alejandra had already set up the signs for the bar area and he quickly found some coffee to ease his morning moodiness. He knew this was the quiet part of the job, only having small moments of rest throughout the day. Dean walks around, familiarizing himself with tonight's venue, looking at the stage, crew members already up and ready, looks up where each area is, and starts to mentally note everything while finishing his coffee. This is the little routine he has, in a place where things change every second.  
After the coffee, already feeling a bit more awake and cheery, he decided to go outside and join the others before the craze of the load-in would start. Finding his way outside he saw Penny, the photographer, standing outside the bus, gear in hand, getting ready to out and capture the tour life.  
"Morning sunshine" - Dean said in a friendly way, they had been together on tour for quite some time and he liked that small woman. She was very similar to him in terms of personality so they got along well.  
She was wearing a crew jacket that seemed too big for her small figure. Her red hair shone with the sunlight hitting her back while she was putting batteries in the camera. She looked up, recognizing Dean's voice, stating playfully:  
"I see you've had your coffee."  
Dean gave her a you-got-me smile and, seeing her ready the gear, asked "Getting ready already? Isn't it early?"  
"Not really.. You took more time than you thought in your little morning tradition. The Load-In is about to start, I want to capture some backstage stuff."  
"Well, I better get going too then, happy captures!"  
"I'll visit you later. I want to photograph the band's gear."  
Already walking back inside Dean yelled, "I'll be waiting."  
Dean walks past the trucks and sees the local crew ready to start unloading them. He finds the guitar area and gets ready to set everything up in its place. Starting to see some crew members pushing huge black plywood hard cases with aluminum sides, he rushed over and asked what they were carrying. "Amps" "That way", he pointed. Right after, two men were pushing a set of boxes, similar to the last one but a slightly different shape and division. They affirmed "Guitars", and Dean immediately took over them, pushing the box back to his area. Some other gear came around and he helped the crew members assort each box to its designated areas as fast as possible.  
Dean was a guitar tech on tour, a part of the tour crew, he was responsible for everything to do with guitars and bass guitars since his co-worker had decided to step away from tour world. Fortunately for Dean, a substitute was set to come up on tour to help him with the bass part. He hadn't much information about whoever was coming but he just hoped they wouldn't be a pain since living with 20 different people on a very small space would become hell, and he liked the crewmates in his bus so far. He was thinking of this as he organized each instrument, pedalboard, amplifier, and other gear inside his station so he could start doing the harder work.  
He's reading the band's setlist, choosing the guitars (and basses) for each song, preparing to tune them and restring each of them when he hears a deep but calm voice say "Hello, Dean". Confused, he looks back and sees a handsome man, about the same height as him, with mesmerizing blue eyes and dark hair, looking at him expectedly like he was waiting for something.  
"Who are you?", Dean questions, still confused.  
"I'm Castiel"  
"Castiel? What kind of a name is that?"  
"My.. father.. was a very religious man." Dean gives him a puzzled look. "Castiel was the name of an angel." He brushes it off but finds himself thinking "Well he got that one right." and blushes a little, immediately turning to the guitars again so Castiel doesn't see it. "So what do you need?" he manages to say while starting to string a bright red guitar, trying to sound casual.  
"They told me you were in charge of the basses."  
"You replacing Nick?", Dean suddenly turns back to Castiel, sounding too eager. When Castiel stares clueless, Dean quickly explains, "Nick was the bass tech, he used to help me manage this station, I've been waiting for months for someone."  
"Well I don't know if I'm staying yet but I hope so", he sounds excited to be there and Dean reminisces about himself some years back, when he had that same passion and drive to get into touring. Not that he wants to leave, but it's nice to see someone excited to not have much of a personal life.  
"Alright let's get you started then! First of all, you gotta lose the trenchcoat, man"  
Castiel seems a bit hurt from the comment and Dean quickly defends himself, "Not that it looks bad on you... It's just... we gotta be invisible, we can't go around wearing flashing outfits on the job"  
"Oh.. I know. It's just.. I didn't have a dark coat and it was a bit chilly out." he promptly removes the trenchcoat, setting it aside, and Dean notices how well defined he is behind the plain black shirt he's wearing underneath. "He just got in and you're already drooling over the man get a grip on yourself Dean.", he thought.  
Castiel starts helping Dean out, he has visibly had some experience before even though Dean has to help him in a few things and correct him in others, which is normal because every band is different.  
"You have some experience, huh?"  
"Yeah, I've been working locally. This is my first big gig though.", Castiel answers happily. "Why did your friend Nick leave?"  
Dean thinks of Nick, a funny guy who loved the job, not so much it seemed... "He went off to live with his partner."  
"Partner?" Oh oh... "I can't believe the guy's homophobic... just now I started to like him.", Dean thought. Out loud, though, he said "Yeah their partner is non-binary. You got a problem with that?"  
Castiel noticed he must have done something wrong and said, "No. I am utterly indifferent to sexual orientation. I'm sorry if I said something wrong." Dean was still taken aback but, upon seeing Castiel's face, he knew the guy wasn't bad after all.  
"Yeah don't worry about it. Anyway... Nick decided to step out to build a family or something. A bunch of bullshit if you ask me. I loved the guy, we were pretty good friends, but leaving this? All of this? For a normal life? It doesn't make any sense to me. Yeah this life is hard and we travel a lot but I mean.. I always manage to spend time with Sammy and my parents every time we go through town. Hell, I even get holidays and stuff. And we talk on the phone almost every day so it's not that bad you know?" Dean beamed when he said the words "This. All of this" and his eyes showed how much he loved his family, even though one might think differently the way he talked about being on tour. Castiel thought he was a beautiful man right when he saw him but after this hearty confession, he started to believe Dean was a very good person, which made him even more attractive. The guitars were strung, the amps were ready and the pedals were plugged in so they had a small pause before Soundcheck. Castiel was about to go get some coffee and ask Dean if he wanted something from the cafeteria when Dean got a facetime call. "You mind if I answer this?" Castiel assented with his head.  
"Hey! How's my girl?" Dean answered happily. Castiel saw a redheaded woman on the phone and felt bad for glancing over. He saw that she was very beautiful.  
"I just got some very exciting news!" Dean looked at the woman intently, waiting for her to reveal the news.  
"I'm gonna be doing merch for The Pretty Reckless"  
"Awesome! So where you joining us?", Dean seemed very happy with the news, he started walking away towards the stage to check if something was happening while still talking to the woman excitedly but always paying attention to everything surrounding him, something he had picked up from touring so many years. Castiel felt a little disappointed, he thought Dean was handsome and that his gaydar had picked something up but turns out it was wrong. "Better that way... Never good to mix dating with work anyway right?" he was thinking to himself, polishing some basses and Dean suddenly came back.  
"Hey! That was Charlie, she's joining us in Seattle." Before Castiel had the chance to ask who Charlie was Dean started picking stuff up while saying "Let's go, time for Soundcheck."  
As they reach the stage, instruments in hand, they notice the sound techs on stage talking to walkie-talkies, presumably to those in Control Room. Dean says hello to everyone as he hands the guitars to be plugged in and watched Cas copy his movements proficiently. They both get backstage and see the band get up, the lead singer and guitarist greet Dean as they get to their positions. The band plays a few songs, stopping sometimes for adjustments and start playing around with each other and the crew members. Castiel thinks to himself this is exactly where he wants to be and hopes he gets to stay long-term.  
Dean comes back from the stage and they wait until soundcheck is over to go get something to eat. In the bar area, they find Penny again, who Dean introduces to Castiel. "Hey, Penny! This is Cas, he's the new bass tech. Cas, this is Penny, the photographer." Castiel greets her in a friendly manner and notices Dean called him... Cas? He likes it, it's good to know he's making a good impression on his new co-worker.  
The afternoon passes quickly between lunch, photo ops with Penny in the guitar station, playing guitar before the show, helping around other crew members when they're not very busy on their end, even talking to the bands to see if they need anything extra for any song. Soon it's time to open doors and the merch stands fill with fans as they wait for the opening act. As the show starts, Dean signals Castiel to focus on his artists, looking for something that could go wrong and be ready to step in. They stand backstage the entire show warming up instruments, getting on stage changing them over, listening to the music, making sure everything goes as planned. Penny comes over sometimes for a couple of shots; the sound and light techs are around too; , the Production Manager observes the fire, smoke, and confetti; the lighting and sound director in front house make sure no one gets hurt and everything looks and sounds amazing.  
The show ends, the fans start to leave and Dean shoots a well-done look at Cas. The crew starts to pack things up as soon as the fans leave, reversing the Load-In process. Cas and Dean pack up everything in their respective boxes commenting on how good the show was and how well Cas fixed that bass problem without no one in the crowd noticing and how Dean thought he might actually stay permanently if he keeps doing well. After everyone helping load the trucks, there's time to chill a bit. Dean usually goes back to the bus and watches a movie in his bunker, since Penny usually edits the photos at that time and he doesn't have much company until later on the night. This time, since Cas is new he takes the chance to walk around and show him everything there is to see in the bus, explaining there's a bunk on top of his ("I don't like heights, that's why I chose the bottom one") where he can stay. Dean also gives him a tour of the bus, showing him the common area, introducing him to all the crew members on their bus. ("Penny doesn't stay in this bus?", Castiel asked curiously. "She likes to fly, I prefer to stay on the ground.") Later on, Cas gets a text from the Band Manager telling him to meet in the cafeteria. Dean decides to walk there with him, see if Penny is done editing, and wants to get a drink. The cafeteria is packed with everyone working the show, local and touring, hanging out having a few laughs. Dean finds Penny with Kevin, the videographer, and joins them while Cas goes off to find the Band Manager.  
The Band Manager is a simple, sociable man, who hired Cas through a friend. He was talking with Alejandra and Frank (Production Manager) at the left end of the cafeteria when he saw Castiel. "Hey! You got my message."  
Castiel was nervous walking up to Michael, he was highly talked of in the music business and this was a big job after all so being requested after the Load-Off was concerning to him. Michael cast him aside, a drink in his hand, the other on Cas' shoulder. "Listen, I liked your performance tonight! I noticed that bass problem and how promptly you solved it, I think this is great for Dean and takes a great load off him. He hasn't gone home for a while and family means a lot to him so I wanted to hire someone soon long-term to be able to help him on the road, do you think you can handle that?"  
Castiel couldn't believe what was being asked of him. Of course he could handle it, this was his dream for so long, ever since he got his first gig after his father left him. "I want nothing more."  
"Great! We'll keep you working with Dean for a couple more shows and then I'll send him home for a few days so you'll take over the whole station for two shows. Dean won't like it so let me be the one to tell him."  
Castiel complied, feeling festive, and went back to find Dean, still with Penny and Kevin (whom Dean had told him about). Recognizing the grin on his face, Penny greeted "Hi chuckles! What are we celebrating?" grabbing a whiskey bottle. "I'm staying on tour!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so here is the first chapter! I made this one as a way to introduce the reader to Dean's (alternate) world and how he's living in this story, and I thought I'd make him meet Cas in this one so it wouldn't be too technical or boring for you guys. I hope the language used is accessible for everyone, if there's something you missed I'll be glad to explain what things are in the comments. I don't write much and I'm also not a native English speaker but I had this idea in my head and really wanted to try it out. If no one reads it at least it's taking my mind off things, but if you do read it I hope you enjoyed it <3


	2. Make Me Wanna Die

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter references smoking.

What was supposed to be "a couple more shows" turned out to be two whole months after Dean's bickering. Michael kept saying, "I'm gonna book you a flight tonight. You deserve some time off." which never happened. Despite pleasing Dean, he missed Sammy and finally gave in to Michael's pressures.  
It was the afternoon before one of the shows in Chicago. Charlie had joined them a while ago, being in charge of merchandising. They had a blast later on the day after the shows, which got tiring pretty fast. It was fun having Charlie around, but Dean was starting to feel worn out from going to sleep so late every night, waking up at ungodly hours every morning. Since she was on merch, Charlie could wake up a little later than the rest of the team and be on her own schedule, loading and unloading the stands, checking inventory throughout the afternoon. Her busiest hours were actually when the doors opened since that's when fans usually bought t-shirts and other memorabilia while still making sure nothing ran out.  
Everything set for the show on his end, Dean glimpsed Penny photographing the band behind the scenes for a while and shot her a wink. They've been on tour with this band for years, and she never shut up about having a crush on the lead singer, Taylor. Dean always flirted with her, ever since they met, and it became a joking habit when they grew closer after she joked about "playing for both teams".  
After walking around for what seemed like thirty minutes, Dean finally found Cas in the bus eating a PB&J on the top bunker. Since Cas first came on the tour, there were only a couple of bunkers available one of them right on top of Dean's, which he offered right away. He figured Cas was a quiet guy, and he missed the company of sharing a bedroom. Though, when you're on tour on a bus, you don't have much privacy anyway.  
"Eating your favorite snack?" Dean played.  
Castiel was reading a magazine, and he looked down at Dean casually, affirming with a small smile.  
"Dude, you could have sit in my bunker didn't have to get up there." Castiel was slumping down, too tall to sit straight in any of the bunkers, but it looked especially uncomfortable that high up.  
In his matter-of-fact tone, Cas replied, "Didn't want to invade your personal space."  
"Not much of that going around.", and as Cas tilted his head in confusion, he added, "With living on a bus with 18 others and all that." Even after two months of getting to know this guy, he still didn't understand how clueless he was most of the time.  
"So, you wanna grab a coffee or something? Could use the company.", the suggestiveness was clear in his voice, and yet, Cas seemed not to pick it up. "I don't feel sleepy now." "C'mon, man."  
Finally getting a good look at Dean, Castiel saw how his hair fell slightly on his face, how his shirt looked wrapped around his waist, how his muscles peeked through the thin sweater, and he was speechless for a solid minute. "Will you stop staring weird at me and do me the favor?"  
Reluctantly, Castiel stored the magazine under his pillow and came down from the bunker. He hoped Dean didn't understand the way he was staring at him was purely sexual but, then again, would a straight guy even wonder about that? He'd probably just find it weird.  
Coming out of the bus, they found Penny sitting on the stairs of the nearest of the five parked trailers nearby. She waved at them, a small camera strapped on her shoulder as if it were a purse. She was wearing her signature crew jacket, even though it wasn't cold at all. As they approached, she took her earphones out, getting them tangled in the process. "Why don't you be a normal person and buy one of those wireless ones like everybody else?" She looked at Dean quickly, with an upset face, one he knew was half-real half-joking.  
"Because! They are oddly shaped and fall off my ears. Plus, these ones are just better quality."  
"Maybe you just have too small ears." Cas didn't even realize he was taking Dean's side until Penny looked at him with an exaggerated glance of betrayal. They continued fighting over, this the way friends do, when Penny started rolling a cigarette. Dean asked if she wanted to grab some coffee with them after smoking, and he noticed Taylor, the lead singer, coming out of her trailer behind Penny. He didn't mention it to her since they were already bantering, and he didn't need to add any more fuel to the fire. Taylor looked around, taking a cigarette of her own from a pack, right from the pocket of her shirt. She looked for a lighter but, realizing she wasn't carrying one, looked over at the group. Penny was still chatting with the boys, waiting for her, her lighter in one hand, which caught Taylor's eye. She went over to ask for light and lingered on, asking Penny for some photo stuff from earlier. Dean and Cas saw this as a good opportunity to leave them alone, playing a little matchmaking. They excused themselves politely and headed to the coffee area, giggling halfway there.  
"She was doing pretty good, huh? Didn't even faint or anything." Cas answered in a serious voice, "Dean." but broke down laughing right after.  
The show was set to start three hours later, though they wouldn't have more than one hour of free time. Michael passed them next to a water dispenser and quickly said, "Dean, I have your ticket for Kansas tomorrow, it's at 11." When Dean tried to protest, his boss was long gone, rushing around, his blue suit contrasting with his dark skin.  
"Man, I can't believe this." Dean seemed worried.  
"I thought you wanted to see your family. Plus, you should really get some rest, Dean."  
Dean's stomach had some sort of reaction at how Castiel said his name, or maybe it was just the thought of flying.  
"I have to go talk to him." and with that, he bolted after Michael, leaving Cas perplexed. 

\-------------  
"Hey! Michael."  
"Dean, does me walking like this seem to you I have the time to talk?", it comes out a bit aggressive but Dean's used to managers behaving like that since they're under a lot of pressure.  
"I'll walk with you. Listen, I don't want those tickets. Thank you, but it's fine.", though he's struggling to keep up, he doesn't let it show.  
"You're getting a month off whether you like it or not. You'll meet us back at the end of the American leg and join us for Europe."  
"Yes, I will take the month off, but I'll drive. Listen, man, it's not a big deal, just a couple of hours. And I like the music, I like the road, I'll be fine." Dean was rambling about how if he left early he would still be home for dinner when the last part of Michael's sentence suddenly hit him. "Wait... Europe?"  
Michael stops in his tracks, with a stern look on his face. "Yes... You didn't know this was a World Tour or something?"  
Dean smiles, trying to catch a breath, at the same time he hopes Michael doesn't understand he thought he'd only be on the American leg of the tour.  
"Dean. I can't cancel the ticket now. I know you like to drive and everything, but isn't it better to be home for both lunch and dinner?" Michael starts walking again, believing the matter is solved after receiving a resigned smile from Dean.

\-------------  
Dean finds his way back to Cas, walking slowly, sadly. Cas is now sitting on a table, waiting, checking his phone, and knows right away something is off. "What's wrong?"  
"Damn it. I can't believe this, man..." he kicks the side of the table, which hurts, and lets out a face but tries to look strong. Cas grows worried, "What is it?" "I can't believe this. I'm going home tomorrow." "Dean, I know. Look on the bright side: you'll get to see your family again, hear about your brother's stories, spend time with your parents." At this, Dean realized he talked a lot about his family with Cas, sharing fun childhood moments of him and Sam, the fun they had on Christmas when the whole family joined at their house and how they even had Bobby over sometimes, even though he hadn't told him anything about that side of things. And here he was, about to overshare again.  
"I know, I'm not upset about that... I'm gonna have to fly."  
"What?"  
"Fly. On a plane." ("Man, this dude can't possibly think I'm gonna grow wings and fly does he?"), Dean thinks. Castiel starts laughing in a warm, cute way that has Dean feeling butterflies, though he quickly gets disconcerted because he doesn't understand what Cas is laughing at.  
"You're really afraid of flying?" Cas is struggling to say this without laughing, remembering how worried he got about nothing. After a very small "yeah, I told you." and a shameful look, Castiel asks, "Why?"  
"I don't know, man. Why do you think I stay in America? It's 'cuz I can drive everywhere."  
"But are you afraid of the plane crashing? Because you know, the rate for car accidents is actually higher."  
Hesitant, he lets out an "I guess... I don't like the feeling either."  
"Really?? Wow. I actually love that feeling, it's so... calm and light. I love flying."  
"Well, then, angel wings, good for you. It's not really helping me out. And I just found out I'm gonna be doing Europe too, so, if you got a suggestion, I'm all ears."  
Seeing Dean's agitation starting to grow, Castiel takes his issue seriously and offers some advice. "You can read or listen to music during the flight. Do you have anything that calms you down?"  
"Metallica." "Good. Then get your sandman on!" Cas says this happily, believing he did a good Metallica reference. "Did you just say 'Get your sandman on'?" Dean bursts laughing. "What the hell does that mean?" Shortly he's tearing up, incapable of speaking. "Don't they have a song called Enter Sandman?", this only makes Dean laugh even more, getting Cas equally confused but delighted he at least made Dean laugh when he was so worried about his flight tomorrow.  
After a while, the show started, everything going according to plan. Enjoying the show from backstage, Cas looked at Dean several times. He liked to see him that relaxed after working so hard to have everything going smoothly. He knew the pride he felt when Ben came down the stage every night telling him he did a good job with his guitars when he asked to review some things for a different setlist. It was the same pride he felt when Mark or Michael told him he had done a good job with the bass. Cas wasn't very close with Mark yet since he and the bassist had only known each other for a few months. But he was getting there, and it felt good to bask in the fruits of their work every night. He was going to miss Dean this next month, though stepping up his game to make him proud would definitely keep him busy. Plus, he has a lot of people to hang out with, who he's sure won't let him feel left out. Another song starts, and he notices he's been staring at Dean for a long time. He goes out to give Ben another guitar, bringing back the black one he was using. Setting it down while humming the beginning of the song, he took longer than usual to get back to his place, and Cas found that odd. His attention is brought elsewhere when one of the technicians asks for his help on a bass-related matter. Leaving for a few minutes, he comes back during the second chorus, and he finds himself looking at Dean involuntarily. His heart twisted for a moment when he caught a glimpse of Dean's green eyes, wet, while he was mouthing the words along "You make me wanna die / And everything you love / Will burn up in the light / And every time I look inside your eyes / You make me wanna die." closing his eyes slightly. Cas hurried to him "What's wrong?". Dean smiled at him, eyes closed, still crying, banging his head, "It's nothing, it's an awesome song, that's all." 

\-------------  
Later in the evening, after Load-Off, Cas and Dean are alone on the bus, which is rare, and Dean looks uneasy. Castiel, who was getting ready to change, sets his sleeping clothes aside and sits next to him, waiting. Dean glares at Castiel, himself getting ready to go to bed as well. Understanding Cas won't let it go until he tells him what's bothering him, he yields and speaks up. "It wasn't nothing... Back at the show."  
Cas gives him a lost look, so he explains: "The song? It reminds me of my biological father. My mother... she died in a fire when I was young. After that, our dad started drinking... he stopped feeding Sam." The words were coming out dry, visibly difficult to say. He paused a moment before continuing, "He kept looking for whoever set the fire, started going insane. There were times we didn't even have a place to sleep, had to crash in the car. Other times we stayed at crappy motels. This lasted for a while until he, supposedly, found the arsonist. And he went off, leaving Sam and me alone, again, he was about four then. I raised him all that time. And then John, our father, died. When he didn't come back, I assumed that's what happened, at least. I used to do it before, too, but after a few hours, I went to a grocery store to steal some food for us. I was caught that time... They sent us to the foster care system, and, eventually, we were adopted by our family. So Sammy got to go to college, and I got to play guitar, which I loved. And here I am today. They put me in therapy. I was in pretty bad shape. After a few years of it, I understood none of it was my fault."  
"I'm so sorry, Dean."  
"I know that song is probably about a date or something, ya know..." A note of lightheartedness in his voice. "But those words.... that's how my dad made me feel. Like I was never good enough." The last part came out sad, like before.  
"You didn't deserve that. I'm sorry about both your parents. But I am glad your family found you." Cas said, in the most sincere, kind tone Dean had ever heard.  
"Yeah... I don't know what would've happened to Sammy and me if I hadn't been caught stealing."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, that last sentence is supposed to break you because this is how I am. I'll try not to add too much suffering because we had enough on the show. But next chapter we'll have some Sammy!  
> Hope you're enjoying this and I'm sorry for any mistakes or incoherences, once again, english is not my mother tongue and I always feel a little aware about it <3


	3. Bedroom Window

Dean is up earlier than everyone else on the tour bus. The soft sunlight comes inside through the small windows while Dean shuffles around, finishing the last-minute travel preparations. He's already dressed, his coffee long taken, and his clothes are finally packed, not so neatly, in his bag.  
Grabbing a piece of paper, he scribbles some words and carefully leaves a small box near Cas' pillow where he is still sleeping. Dean takes a moment to take in his sweet features, "He looks like an angel when he's sleeping."  
Brushing the thought off, he grabs his bag and his old leather jacket and leaves the bus quietly. He crosses last night's venue parking lot, getting to the next block where his Uber must be waiting. He checks the app while walking, trying to remember the car model.  
There was a small morning breeze, but Dean was thankful when he saw the Toyota pulling over near him. The driver came out of the car, greeting him cheerfully while walking over to the trunk where Dean would put his belongings. The car was comfortable enough, but Dean was more worried about the plane flight waiting for him just minutes away.  
They arrived at the O'Hare International Airport, buzzing with people already. Dean was dropped off behind a neverending row of cars in the Departures section. Leaving the driver with a thank you nod, Dean shuffled inside, trying not to bump into anyone.  
Tickets in hand, he wandered over to the nearest board with all the scheduled departures. Michael had told him the check-in was taken care of, so all he had to do was figure out where to go. The board said his plane was on Terminal 1, and he tried his best to follow the endless signs, passing shop after shop, snack bar after snack bar.  
Roughly an hour passed, Dean walking around the shops, wasting time before the boarding call when he got a text.  
"Thanks for the gift ^-^". Dean smiled at Cas' text and replied right away.  
"It's to make sure you do the job properly. 😉"  
It was getting nearer to 11 a.m., and Dean was getting nervous each minute. The night before, he had taken Cas' help, and they both made a playlist so he'd have something to listen to on the plane. Just before boarding, another text came in.  
"Have a good flight! 🤗"

The flight was calmer than Dean had expected. After landing, Dean made sure to text Sam, who was supposed to pick him up at the airport. He took the chance to reply to Cas as well, telling him the playlist had helped and the flight had been smooth.  
After the hectic journey from the plane to the Arrivals at Kansas City Airport, Dean rejoiced for having a light travel bag.  
He finally emerged from a sea of bodies onto an ocean of people with signs carrying various names. Even though Sam was tall, it took him a while to find him but, alas, there he was, looking the same as ever.  
"Sammy!" Dean cheered, approaching him.  
"Dean." with a soft tone, his brother hugged him without hesitation.  
They walked outside the airport, Sam trying to help Dean with his single bag, which he refused. They immediately started to catch up, asking each other so many questions that it was hard to understand the answers. 

As they arrived to the porch, Dean looked at the quaint home with nostalgia. It looked displaced in the neighborhood, too cozy-looking for it, with light gables and wooden frames. It was smaller than most houses in the area, a garage in front, where Sam parked.  
Leaving the car, Sam went to get Dean's bag while saying:  
"The Impala's inside. You can go for a ride in the evening."  
"What, you're not coming with?" Dean replied, frowning.  
"Oh, sorry. It was hard enough to be able to get you at the airport. They're not letting me have the afternoon off. Come on, I only have the backdoor key."  
As they spoke, Dean slightly upset, they walked over a small path around the house, a fenced area filled with flowers that created some privacy.  
Inside, Dean found the living room as cozy as it had always been. There were two leather loveseats on each side of the room, a modest piano in the corner, and a fireplace near one of the sofas. The place smelled of magnolia and honey, a comfortable fire burning calmy. Sam took Dean's stuff to his bedroom and came back, finding him sitting on the piano, surfing through the scores on the music rack.  
"So dad's been playing Beethoven lately?" Dean smiled with fondness.  
"Yes, I have." a cheerful voice came from the kitchen, and they instantly recognized it as their father's voice.  
The man came inside the living room, promptly hugging Dean. He was a short chubby man with a kind face and a gentle smile, pronounced by a few wrinkles, proper with his age.  
"How have you been, son? Glad Michael made you take some days off... Thought you'd never come back, eh?" Harry said in a playful tone, though Dean knew what he was saying was half true.  
Sitting down, he told him about tour life and how hard it had been without Nick but how he managed to get some time now because Cas came along.  
"Well, I gotta thank that Cas person, then. Got us our boy back home for a bit."  
For some reason, Dean felt good hearing those words, like he had thought of bringing Cas to meet his family, which of course he hasn't, don't be insane. He didn't have much time to dwell on these thoughts because his mother came inside the room, wearing a flowery apron on top of her outside clothes.  
"You could have helped me put the groceries away, Harry." She said while hitting him jokingly with a kitchen rag.  
"Oh, Dean, honey!"  
His smile was wide as he dove into his mother's arms. Ruth was a loving, albeit traditional woman, with the biggest heart the brothers have seen.  
"Sammy, dear, will you set the table? We brought lunch."  
Sam got up and headed to the kitchen, still hearing his brother say in the background, "So I'm not getting the famous Ruth roast beef today?" 

"Well, are you only staying for lunch? No. Patience is a virtue, my dear."  
Her serious expression has Dean smiling, thinking how much he missed his family.  
"Bobby is coming over for dinner tomorrow, I thought you'd like that." Ruth continued.  
"Yes. Will Sammy be over too?"  
"Yup. I have time for dinner tomorrow." Sam, who was returning from the kitchen, presumably had heard Dean's question.  
Dean was beaming with happiness. Having all of his family together and getting to drive Baby all in one day? Plus having an awesome job that allows him to be near music all the time? Dean had all he could ask for. 

\--------------  
[8 pm - Detroit]  
Castiel is making his way through the hotel lobby, back from his city endeavors on the first day off on tour. As he reaches the elevator, he finds Charlie and Penny coming from the Buffet. He waves: though he spent part of the day with them, he hadn't seen them in a few hours because he wanted to explore the city.  
"Hey, Cas, do you want to watch a movie tonight?" Charlie asks casually.  
"Yeah, alright."  
The elevator gets them to the fifth floor pretty quickly. The group walks down the corridor to the two-bed hotel room. Charlie opens the door and Castiel sees it's not too different from his own room. It was an old-fashioned room with pastel walls, two beds in the middle of the room with a window directly in view from the door. The biggest difference from his room was the bathroom, which was bigger, and the television, which he didn't have at all. The beds, in bright white sheets and old-fashioned bedframes, could be brought together, or Charlie and Penny made it seem that way since it was the first thing they did. The bathroom contrasted with the overall look of the room, being more modern and minimalist.  
Arranging the pillows to accommodate all three of them, Penny informed: "We're watching Coyote Ugly."  
"Oh, I've never seen it." Castiel broke out of his trance.  
"It's awesome.", Charlie said while setting up the TV.  
Penny sat on the bed and started drinking water out of a bottle. "Yeah, great story."  
"What's it about?"  
Charlie and Penny looked at each other guiltily, then back at Cas, who tilted his head in confusion. Finally, Charlie broke the silence:  
"Yeah, okay... It's got girls."  
"Dancing. Hot."  
Feeling more and more guilty, the girls try to justify it.  
"And yes, it's oversexualized." Charlie starts.  
"And we know it's made for the male gaze." Penny continues.  
"And we absolutely don't think women are sexual objects."  
"And we respect women in this house!"  
After what looked like a planned dialogue, Charlie finished with an embarrassed look.  
"But you know... girls. Dancing."  
Cas squints his eyes as if their efforts to defend the movie choice were completely unnecessary to him.  
Penny simply added: "You're only allowed to watch because you're not a sexist pig."  
"Exactly."  
Charlie presses play, and they call room service for food. They watch most of the movie when Cas gets very serious.  
"You know, Cas, for a dude watching pretty girls dance with minimal clothing, you're looking pretty serious there, pal."  
"Her dad is an asshole."  
They look at him, surprised.  
"She's not doing anything wrong."  
Charlie brushes it off, "Don't worry about it."  
"But he's being very unfair. It's her job, and she likes it. So she should keep doing it."  
"Trust us. He'll come around. it's the boyfriend you have to look out for." Penny says, working her way through the bag of chips.  
The movie comes to an end, and Cas looks dumbfounded.  
"Well... does this mean my dad is gonna come out as gay too?  
They almost choke on their snacks.  
"Wait, what?"  
"Well, the dad joined her dancing in the end."  
After a moment of reflection, Charlie understands.  
"So that's why you were so upset, uh? You're gay and your dad reacted that way?"  
"...Yes."  
Penny gets super excited, getting up on the bed instantly.  
"OH MY GOD!"  
Cas was startled by this sudden reaction as she kept going.  
"WE HAVE TO GET A FLAG! WE'LL BE THE LGBT AMIGOS"  
Cas is very silent, but Penny keeps rambling on, about how they could get bi and lesbian flags and each carry one on the shoulder like a superhero cape. Charlie and Penny are joking around until Penny catches Cas' eye.  
Softly she says, "Hey."  
Cas gives her a faint smile, regretting telling them. He tries to get the next words out as cheery as possible.  
"I'm going to my room now."  
"Hey, Cas, no." Her voice sweet, she grabs his arm gently.  
"I was just joking around. We're not telling anyone. It's not our place."  
"Yeah, Cas. You tell who you want to tell. We were just playing."  
"I'm sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable about it. I wanted to make you feel safe, and it came out the opposite way."  
"Okay, thanks." He was clearly relieved. "I don't want to tell everyone. Not that I think anyone would be unaccepting or anything, but I don't think anyone needs to know. It's my personal life, you know? And I told you because you guys are so open about it and... well, this isn't a work setting."  
"Of course. We won't tell anyone else."  
"So... are you leaving, or are you gonna help us eat all this?"  
Cas smiles a cute resigned smile and sits back down on the bed. Penny crawls to him and gives him a friendly hug from the back. They keep on eating and chatting until it gets too late.  
Cas goes back to his room, only one floor away. He gets ready for bed and goes to find the box Dean left him. He grabs it, getting near the bedroom window, and looks at it in the moonlight, hoping Dean is having a good time with his family. The words "For Cas" written hastily on a scrap of paper, a journal sits inside. It has a leather cover with the name Dean messily carved in a corner. Cas opens it again, notes of the job carefully written over the years since Dean's first experience in a small gig in Lawrence until today. On the last written page, Dean scribbled, "Hope this helps while I'm away."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry i took so long to post, I was having a real hard time writing and feeling a lot of self-awareness about this chapter.  
> i just want to address the events happening in the us and syria right now: it's really hard to see all of this unfold while being here unable to help in any way but i hope you guys are staying safe <3


	4. Sweet Things

Dean took advantage of the small holiday to get some more sleep than he did on tour. His body didn't love the idea, though, and he was up a mere two hours later than usual. Resigned, he went downstairs to find some breakfast and found Ruth already pacing in the kitchen, busy with various small things.  
"Morning," he said, planting a kiss on her forehead. She smiled and pointed to the coffee pot, brewed not long ago.  
Dean felt content, even with his natural morning crankiness. Harry was coming from the backdoor, cheery as ever, wearing overalls and bringing an assortment of garden tools inside. You could see how much he liked being in the garden from the condition it was in. Some would even think the decor was Ruth's doing, but it was all his work.  
The morning was spent fairly calmly, Dean helping his parents around the house, dancing from the kitchen to the garden like he was in a song.  
They had lunch after Dean helped prepare it, and afterward, he decided to go around for a ride with Baby. He had a shower in the bathroom connected to his bedroom. It was a lucky thing he and Sam had had separate bedrooms growing up. He felt his brother would become fed up with him from playing guitar so often and decorating the entire room with so many posters. The room still exhibited a great collection of wall "art" collected from different rock magazines over the years. As he got dressed, he found himself looking at Jimmy Page, James Hetfield, several concert banners he had traded with kids at school from all the classics like Black Sabbath, Van Halen, Iron Maiden, and Motörhead. He had two guitars in the wall, so many more in his little apartment, which he used mostly for storage- he liked staying over at his parent's too much. His beat-up record player was still in good shape, no matter how many years; it has actually been Harry's before, and he passed it to Dean, who, instead of listening to Chopin and Mozart, blared another type of classics.  
While Dean rummaged through his old records, he remembered how he had acquired them. Back then, he had been going to therapy for a few years, so making friends in school was becoming attainable, even after all the trauma he had been through. He finally felt he could talk to his parents to some degree, which he hadn't been able to when they were adopted, too afraid they would hurt him, but mostly Sammy. He had been responsive to music, and that was when Harry gifted him the record player, taking him to a record store so he could choose a few records. He knew a few covers from the cassettes on the Impala (which he had inherited except he didn't know yet); he chose Led Zeppelin and Metallica as his first and buried himself in the music, hoping it would take the pain away.  
One day, in school, he heard another kid talk about Led Zeppelin, and that was the first time he got excited over something in school. He mustered up the courage to talk to the girl, and there was his first friend. Eventually, he got to talking to more schoolmates (pushed by her, of course), and he created a network of rock-loving kids like himself all through the end of high school. At 13, they were trading posters, albums, records, anything they could get their hands on, and that was the age Dean heard about Nirvana and wanted to learn the guitar. Ruth and Harry were happy he was settling in and bought him his first acoustic the same year for Christmas. By the time he was 15, Dean was the school's biggest guitar score maker, learning each of his favorite songs by ear and writing down the chords for his friends; he remembers distinctly getting a rare Metallica flag from a kid who desperately wanted to learn Nirvana's latest hit "Heart-Shaped Box". 1994 was also the year he started asking to go to live shows- and not the one's around town he had been to- big ones, where he could see his heroes live. Unfortunately, that was also the year Kurt Cobain died, which took him back to the grieving stage he hadn't seen in nearly seven years. Then, on top of that emotional turmoil, he started doubting his sexuality after taking refuge in music once again, which took him back to therapy.  
His reminiscing on old days was cut short when his phone chimed, and he took it out of his pocket to check- it was probably Sam.  
"Can I get your address?" It was Cas.  
Dean was thoroughly confused- why the hell did Cas want his address?? He decided to be cheeky, though, hence the reply: "Why? You coming to visit? ;)"  
Dean waited, but as he didn't get an answer, he decided to get on with his afternoon plans - he had already spent enough time thinking about his childhood for one day.  
The text came a few hours later after Dean had driven well over 100 miles and thinking of going back home. The name" Cas" popped up before he could even read the message; he answered since he was already parked.  
The sound came in loud - too loud - which made Dean reflexively separate his phone from his ear as far as his arm could manage. Even then, he could hear a happier version of I Want You To Want Me play in the background. Was Cas at a party? He heard a door slam and the sound fade as Castiel screamed over the music, "Dean?"  
"Where the hell are you?"  
"At work? They're testing the speakers, but the venue has their own sound techs." This made sense - often, the local sound techs set up certain venue equipment before the guests arrived.  
"Thought you'd read my notebook enough by now to know they're called PA."  
"Shut up."  
Dean smiled to himself. It was good to hear his voice - even if there had only been two days - and things seemed to be running smoothly, albeit stressful, over there.  
"I'm sorry to be calling, but I don't have enough time to text. Can you give me your address? I saw something that reminded me of you, and Charlie told me you would like it, so I want to send it to you."  
"A gift? Cas, you don't have to do that." Although his words didn't show it, he felt entertained.  
"Dean. I don't have time for this. Send me your address." His voice was so assertive, Dean felt a sudden rush of heat flow through his body, and just like that, Castiel hung up. Needless to say, he sent the location right away, just before getting inside the car.  
He had to calm himself a little before driving, Cas' voice still tingling in his ear. He felt exactly as the first time he thought of kissing a boy, back in the summer of '94, and just like then, he felt wrong. "Fuck... I can't like Cas. He's my co-worker. I can't do that. And he's straight. Stop it, Dean." Thinking he's a hot piece of ass, or as Penny likes to say it: "piece of the bad pathway" was one thing, another totally different was developing an actual crush on him. Sure, he thought he looked like an angel when he was sleeping, but that doesn't mean anything. The guy's named after an angel, what's he supposed to think?  
He finally drove back home, but the songs weren't really helping. He saw himself forced to change to some stupid radio station, and even then, every song was romantic. Eventually, he gave up, driving in silence, trying to hum some Metallica and cursing the fact he had only brought a Zepp tape with him.  
By the time he arrived at the front porch, Sam's ugly car was already in front of the garage, so he had to park near the sidewalk. His plan to help mom make the roast beef had gone down the pipe; at least Bobby hadn't arrived yet.  
He went inside, immediately feeling the warmth of lighthearted chatter, realizing his last thought was wrong, and Bobby had, in fact, already made it.  
"Where have you been?" Ruth rushed him into the kitchen, where everything was already set and ready to go.  
They sat down to eat, but not before Dean hugged Bobby, receiving a light pat in the back in return.  
As Ruth puts down her amazing roast beef, Sam shows Dean some stuff on Instagram, and Bobby talks with Harry about something far too specific for them to understand. They dig in, chatting lively, Ruth asking Sammy about his work - he couldn't give out details because of confidentiality issues - the subject changes to Dean's job.  
"He got a new friend. That's why he's home now." Harry said in a jovial manner.  
Bobby asked about said friend - Dean replied he was finally replacing Nick, which made his job a lot easier. Sam told them about a co-worker he seemed to like, who they thought would be helping him in a new case. He said she was very smart, quite funny too - and the jokes about Sam having a crush ensued. Harry and Ruth hadn't been up to much - helping around in the community was usual - and the conversation shifted to Bobby.  
"Oh well, you know. Reading my books, working on my cars."  
He told them about a story involving a couple of beers and a group of old friends he got together for a barbecue at home.  
Sam said jokingly, "And you didn't invite us?" 

\--------------

The days went by, and not a week after Cas had called, Dean received a package.  
"Something came this morning for you, kid.", Harry handed the parcel to a scruffy looking Dean, who had just woken up after finally being able to wrestle his body into sleeping in.  
Dean chose to open the small box before he had his coffee, which he actually could skip afterward because of how cute and thoughtful the gift would turn out to be.  
After opening the cardboard box, he found another, smaller one, inside - which was weird as hell - and he took it out, getting annoyed with the heavy amount of paper around it. After struggling for a few seconds, he looked at the box design, and his face lit up. Taking it out, he admired the adorable keychain - a big head and a little gun on Han Solo's minuscule hand. Further down the original box, he glimpsed a card - on closer inspection, Dean noticed it was a store-bought birthday card for a 5-year-old birthday, which made him laugh uncontrollably - It read, "We only watched one Star Wars movie together, but Charlie reassured me you would like this. Plus, he looked just like you!"  
Ruth got inside the kitchen, finding her son smiling at the little character.  
"Oh, it's so cute!" as she reached to see closer, "Is it what came in the mail today? This is the guy from that movie, right? The space one. With that cool princess with the buns?"  
Dean nodded, laughing at Princess Leia's description.  
"And what's that?" she pointed at the card.  
"The new guy from work. He was the one who got me that.", he said - tilting his head towards the ring on his mother's hand, at the word that.  
"He seems lovely, honey. You getting along well, then?". He noticed a hint of curiosity, the same as when he had his first boyfriend.  
"Hey, don't start making assumptions. We all get along great at work. It's like family. You know that."  
"I didn't say anything!" she added defensively, a smile in the corner of her mouth.  
He still drank the coffee, smiling through it.  
"Gotta go. I'm meeting Sammy."  
He got ready in his bedroom, put his keys in the new keyring, and texted his brother to let him know he was on his way.  
He took the chance to text Castiel too, "Thanks for the gift. I'm gonna get you one of baby Yoda. He looks just like you, too."  
He got a reply right after, on his way down the stairs.  
"I don't know who that is."  
Sometime later, another text. "I looked him up. If you mean he's the cutest creature to ever live, you are right."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, it took me so long to write this one. I'm really sorry but I hope everyone is doing well and is enjoying this little story <3


	5. Good Times Bad Times

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter mentions drinking.

Dean pulls up at the restaurant's parking lot, where Sam is already waiting, leaning against his car. He parks in the vacant spot next to Sam and gets out of the car, grinning.   
"Heya, Sammy!"   
Sam, who was browsing through his phone while waiting, says, without looking up, "You're in a good mood." Putting his phone away, he notices the keychain dangling from his brother's hand, "Dude, is that Han Solo?"  
Dean smiles triumphantly, showing off his new gift like a child on Christmas, "Yeah! Cas sent it in the mail."   
Astonished, Sammy asked, "Cas? Your co-worker Cas?"  
Dean is already crossing through the parking lot, so Sam had to keep up with him.   
"Wait a minute. Is there something you want to tell me?"  
"What?" Dean stops in his tracks to look back at his brother's suggestive face. "Oh, c'mon, man... Not you too."   
Sam gives him a little smirk as they start crossing the street towards the building.   
"Somebody has a little crush."   
Sam's singing is mocking but affectionate, and Dean smiles a little but still snaps, "Cut it off."   
Still being teased all throughout the restaurant and into the table, Dean tries to change the subject, "What is this place? Fancy roadhouse or something?"  
"The burgers are good, just sit down."  
It was a small place with a rustic vibe, the wood was predominant, but Dean liked that to some extent. Sam had picked the place - obviously - it was way fancier than what Dean was familiar with. Not that he didn't have the money for it, he was actually quite stable, but he didn't really care for fancy restaurants. Now fancy baths - that was something else!   
They sat down at one of the wooden tables, the menu placed on each of them in an organized manner. It seemed like one of those places that even had a website and online bookings, whereas Dean was more of a walk-in diner kind of guy. Still, reluctantly, he picked up the menu and went through it, eventually picking up one of the burgers Sam had recommended. Sam himself chose the house special brunch menu. After the waiter took their order, Sam got back to his former teasing about Castiel.   
"So... Is he dreamy? Does he have beautiful blue eyes?"   
Dean's eyes shot up, a guilty look on them, wondering how his little brother knew Cas' eyes were as blue as the sky. He gets an amused smile as a response, and, watching Sam preparing himself to keep with the torment, immediately retaliated, "Oh, you're one to talk. How about Eileen? Your co-worker? Is she dreamy?"   
This took immediate effect, as Sam stopped joking around, getting awkward instead. A smug expression revealed itself on Dean's face as he thought, "Yeah, you don't like it anymore when you're the one being mocked, huh?".   
The food arrived, and they dug in, Dean making fun of Sam's mimosa - "That's a chick's drink." "Well, I'm not the one with a crush on a guy." as he sipped at with a satisfied grin. - and Dean decided to change the topic once again.   
"So, tell me. Did you get that cat after all? Or was it a dog?"  
"Nah... Don't have time. I barely spend any time at the apartment, and when I have time off, I come to see mom and dad. I just don't think I'll get a pet anytime soon." It made him a little sad - though he snorted - and it showed on his voice, but Dean asking about his lawyer work was enough for him to light up again.  
"Well, you know I can't give you a lot of details on the cases, but I can tell you I'm thinking of starting an investigative work - and since Eileen might be joining the team, she might even help! She fights domestic violence, and I wanted to start some research about kids in abusive households... you know. Because of us."  
Dean knew, all too well. Sam seemed to want to avoid the subject so as to not hurt Dean's feelings, but he also seemed to be really excited about the possibility of doing the thing. Dean asked what he intended to do specifically, trying to encourage him. He had been dealing with it for years, after all.   
Sam was a little uncomfortable but answered, "Well, I just... in psychological terms, we want to know how much it actually affects kids. On the law side of it, we want to protect them... So no kid ever gets to the point we did."  
"That's... I'm glad you're doing that." Dean said with a faint but genuine smile.  
They moved on to lighter subjects and even remembered stupid funny stuff Sammy did in school that made them all laugh; Christmas together; Bobby showing up for Thanksgiving because he liked to spend time with them even though he had Jody and her family to keep him company. They were Bobby's friends, and they met them a few times when they stayed over, a long time ago.   
At the end of the meal, Dean got a text so Sam took the opportunity, "Is that your boyfriend?"   
Dean glared at him as if spelling "I'm gonna kill you if you say another word."  
But it was Harry, asking if they were going home in the afternoon or not.  
"It's dad. He wants to know If we'll be home soon."  
"Well, I have some stuff to do in town before tonight... But I can swing by for an hour or two."  
"All right." Dean wrote the message as Sam went off to pay the bill, pretending he was going to the bathroom.   
\--------------  
After spending a few hours at home and Sam leaving, Dean decided to go to his apartment - see how things were holding up. His afternoon was mostly wasted away going through boxes, looking into his own stuff. The only things carefully packed were his guitars - and he still felt bad for not using them anymore - the only livable room being his bedroom, albeit with only a functioning bed and wardrobe. Even though it was his, it didn't feel like a home - something was missing, and not just furniture or decor, it was something else. He decided to get something to eat on his way since he wanted to visit the cemetery before going out.   
He got some flowers nearby and got inside the old cemetery. Reaching his parent's graves, he carefully put the flowers on top of Mary's grave, standing in silence. He didn't know what to say. All he knew was all his words would be for his mother. He felt a lump in his throat as if he was about to cry, and he wouldn't be able to stop.  
Eventually, he sat down and spoke.   
"Hey, mom. How you doing up there? Sorry it's been so long. I... just want to let you know me and Sammy are doing fine." and he kept on going telling her little stories about the job, about Charlie and Penny and Michael and everyone back on the road, even Cas. And he told her about Sammy and how successful he was now.   
"We're okay. We weren't last time I came here. But we are now. I thought you'd like to know that."   
And with that, he left, without even looking back at John's grave.  
\--------------  
Later that night, Dean met Sam and some of their old high school friends in their usual pub from the old days. As he got inside, the smells of the place hit him, and he went back to the days he and his friends would go there, bringing Sammy along when he was old enough. The place was pretty big - usually, you'd need to book a table - but after being a regular ever since it opened and there were but a few kids hanging around listening to the jukebox, that wasn't needed for them. He shuffled through the groups of people already starting to gather. The regular tables had been moved out of the dancefloor, having only the few booths available for sitting and a small wooden stage lit up. "Yeah! Karaoke night!" Dean thought.  
His and Sam's friends were already sitting at the table with beers, Sam waving over to him.   
Dean sat down, saying hello to everyone: Garth, Anna, Rowena, Gabriel, and Crowley. Rowena and Crowley were actually cousins, and they were the biggest helpers of Dean's "rock trade" in school. Garth and Anna were, like Sammy, theatre kids, and that's where they met. Oddly, Gabriel was part of both groups and brought the gang together with his fun personality. Though they had several other friends in common, most of them were out of town, so they fell apart a little.   
A long waited catching up talk ensued, where Dean found Garth was having twins with his wife - still a dentist; Rowena had a pretty successful recording studio in the city; Crowley was still in his band Kings of Hell, with whom Dean started as a guitar tech, and they were going to record a new single soon; Anna had pursued acting - the only one in school, in fact - and she had been on a few tv shows; Gabriel was, well, Gabriel, so he's always on a bunch of different projects involving every kind of art - right now he was preparing an art exhibit in a local museum.   
Sam ordered another round for them, and Dean asked for a whiskey on the rocks - he was feeling like drinking something strong after the cemetery visit. He falls into conversation with Rowena.  
"So, dearie. How have you been?"   
"I'm doing pretty good, still in the music biz. That's all I could ask for, right?" he's grinning as he says it, so she knows it's true, seeming happy to hear that.   
As the drinks arrive, Crowley says, "Right. Who's up for a drinking game?"   
Oh, Crowley's drinking games... One night in the old days, one of these drinking games prompted him and Crowley to end up making out in the boy's bathroom. They never mentioned it again, but Dean is sure he remembers it as well as he.   
"What's it gonna be this time? Wordplay? Truth or Dare? Game apps?" he eyes Sam, who made them all play an awful drinking game from a mobile app once.   
Karaoke was going to start at that moment, the lyrics showed up on the screen, and Crowley's face lit up with an idea.   
"Each time the guy says Roxanne, bottoms up."  
"Dude, that's a lot of times. Have you ever heard the song?" Sam looks horrified, but Dean, Gabriel, and Rowena are in right away. Anna is reluctant but joins in while Garth and Sam stay back, watching this horrible, horrible decision unfold.   
Garth whispers, "You're gonna have to drive tonight. He's going with whiskey."   
Halfway through the song, Anna gave up while each of the participants struggled to keep up with the song.   
The night went on, Dean forgetting he hadn't drunk that much since Sam was in college - which meant he kept drinking. Soon, both Dean and Gabriel decided to take up singing - which everyone else tried to stop - but they didn't care, ending up with an oddly tuned rendition of Too Sexy for my Shirt and several boos from the crowd.   
Dean came back alone - Gabriel stayed back flirting with some random person - smiling dumbly at his phone.   
"Oh fuck." Sam thought. "He's texting Cas."   
"Hey. Dean! What are you doing?"   
"'M text..ing Casss" with such a warm smile, Sam felt sorry he was going to take his phone from him.   
"Okay. C'mon. Give me the phone."   
Everyone at the table is watching - Dean being a baby while Sam tries to convince him to hand him the phone, Dean crying out, "Sammyyyyyyy! Lemme talk to Cas! Let me call the angeeeel" almost actually crying - having absolutely no clue who Cas is, and... why is he referred to as an angel?   
Sammy eyes their friends - crying for help - and after about 15 minutes and one last text, Dean finally gives his phone away to Anna.   
He goes to the bathroom, leaning on Garth, and Sam announces to the others, "Okay, I'm gonna have to take him home. You guys have to help me." Now looking at Crowley, "No bargaining for him to stay."

\-------------  
The next morning Dean wakes up with a headache he hadn't had in over 10 years. He gets out of bed, desperately in need of coffee, barely realizing he's at Sam's place. Making his way into the kitchen, he finds his brother, sitting at the small peninsula, already handing Dean a mug.   
"So... Been talking to any angels recently?"  
Sipping his coffee, he looks up confused... until... "Oh my god." His hand is suddenly on his forehead, worry spreading rapidly, "Oh fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck. No... What have I done."   
He leaves the mug to Sam as he speaks, running back to the bedroom, searching frantically for his phone. He comes back with a desperate look, his phone dead in his hand.   
"Sammy, give me a charger. Please."  
"Dean. Calm down. You didn't do anything. Yeah, you texted a little, but I stopped you before you could ruin things too much."  
Dean still doesn't believe it - Sam being the prankster he is.  
"You're welcome, by the way." he snarls.  
Instant relief crosses Dean's face as he realizes it is true, and he finally admits he might have a little crush.  
"A little? Wow... Don't want to imagine how it's gonna be when you fall in love, then."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope everyone is doing well <3   
> by the way, I decided very last minute that instead of jess/sam i prefer eileen/sam because she's just a great character and i'd love to have her, hope no one is too sad about it   
> thanks for reading and I'll see you (hopefully) next week


	6. Crush

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (I wanted to call it Girl Crush after Harry Styles' song but I guess it's more of a boy crush)

"Sam... I can't."  
"What?"  
"I can't like him, Sam."   
At first, Sam thinks he is joking. Upon looking at his brother's face, though, he understands he's actually worried about falling in love with this guy.   
"Hey! Come on, there's nothing wrong with it." - he puts a hand on his brother's shoulder, trying to comfort him - "You've had boyfriends before. Mum and dad know about it, and they will always support you. I mean, you heard mum teasing you about Cas, so what's the problem?"  
"It's not that. I'm comfortable with my sexuality now, thanks. But I can't like Cas, dude. He works with me, we do everything together back there. It would ruin our friendship."  
"But what if he likes you back? Isn't that worth finding out?"  
Dean gives Sam a look as if he is insane. Of course, it's not worth finding out. Castiel is very much straight, he could never feel the same way, and he would feel awkward around Dean if he ever found out about this crush.   
"Anyway... It's just a crush, right? I'll get over it soon, I always do." Dean made up his mind, standing up. He finished his coffee while Sam glanced at him disapprovingly.   
His last few days in town were spent between family and friends. Bowling, having brunch with Sam (Dean didn't want to admit he actually liked that), going out for drinks with the gang, family activities with Harry and Ruth, going to the movies (he missed that so much). But what he had missed the most were the little things he didn't have on tour. His mother's homemade meals, staying in one place for a while, the sense of familiarity, hanging out with his dad and hearing his jokes, chilling out in the back garden without the rush of tour life.   
But as the month came to an end, and even though he had talked to Charlie and Cas a few times, his heart missed the tour life. He was happy to go back to that frenzy, at last.

\--------------

Dean was set to return on the last day of the US leg so he could settle in and travel with the rest of the crew. They were going to Europe the next day - which didn't appeal to him that much - but the thought of being back on the road (or the air, in this case) had him on cloud nine.   
The worst part of it all was the 2-hour flight to New York, and then the 7-hour flight to the UK the following morning. Sam had offered to get him to the airport again, but since he had stayed home for the night, Dean offered (or forced, rather) to drive the Impala and have Sam bring it back home.   
On the drive to the airport, Sam decided to try and have an essential conversation with Dean.  
"So... you're going to see Cas after a month of being apart."  
Dean looked from the road to his brother, back at the road, and to Sam again.   
"Dude, we're not married."  
With a smirk, Sam replied, "What are you gonna do?"   
"What do you mean? I ain't doing jack shit."  
Glancing back at the passenger seat, he added, "Listen, I'm not going to tell him. It's just a crush. It'll go away soon."  
Seeing it was pointless, Sam dropped it.   
They said their goodbyes, Dean went through the check-in, and had a quiet flight. He listened to a newly made playlist, as to avoid thinking about Cas.  
The flight was quite stable and went by surprisingly fast. Before long, Dean found himself at the airport searching for someone carrying a sign saying "Dean Winchester". It wasn't hard to find, though, her ginger hair standing out in the crowd.   
"Hey!"  
"Heya Charlie!" Dean approaches his best friend grinning, and gives her a bear hug.   
Going back to the venue, Charlie fills Dean in on today's errands. "Cas was supposed to come instead, but the show's almost over. He said he still got so much to do before Load-Off, felt a bit stressed, to be honest. I guess not having you around made him have a lot on his plate, huh?"  
"Yeah, when our bass tech left, that's how I was for months. But Cas been managing well?"  
"Well, I don't know, but I haven't heard any complaints."  
Dean was pleased to hear this. Not hearing complaints meant Cas was doing an, at least, satisfactory job, and he was friendly, so that meant a lot to everyone so the chances of him getting fired were slim.   
Usually, the last day of a US leg meant it was the last day of work for Dean. This year, though, the band had a fair amount of concerts in Europe, mostly festivals, and the boys (and Taylor) asked Michael to keep some of this crew plus the new one overseas.   
Dean left his things in the guitar tech assigned dressing room and readily got to work, leaving Charlie to attend to her duties.   
"What the hell?"  
"Dean!" Cas recognized his voice but barely turned around to greet him, "I'd hug you, but I have to re-string these."   
"Dude, what happened here?"   
Dean was confused to see double the amount of gear they usually had. Their corner was extraordinarily full of guitars, amplifiers, pedals, and basses, some still in boxes, others already out and ready to be re-strung. Dean grabbed the first bass he saw, a gorgeous matte black one, that Cas had presumably prepped.   
Castiel glanced at where Dean was, already getting his hands dirty, while admiring the new instrument.   
"Yeah, we got new gear. They're beautiful. There's a metallic black guitar over there with golden details and another dark one. Look at it, you can even see your face on it."  
"Shiny as hell, dude." Dean had moved over to check the new guitars for a minute but came back shortly.   
"Is this all that's left to do for tonight?"   
"Is it not enough? If you hadn't arrived, I probably wouldn't be able to do it."   
"So, how you been holding up anyway? Missed me?"  
"Not too much." looking up a Dean with a teasing look, Cas smiled and went to set the guitar in a heavy-duty case.  
He picked up the simplest guitar and laid it out as the one before.   
"I don't think Taylor's gonna leave her signature guitar but it's always good to have options, right?"  
Dean peered over with a skeptic frown, adding, "Yeah, but Ben's gonna love that one. And Mark? Has he seen his new bass?"  
"No, but the matte is just his style, isn't it?"  
They kept enthusing about the new gear as children with new toys on Christmas day and before long everything was ready for Load-Off.   
The show was finally over, the fans were almost all outside, and everyone in the crew rushed over inside the stage for disassembly. A crowd of people stormed the stage, picking up pedals, cables, amplifiers, microphones, and everything else on it, wiping it clean in minutes. Everyone had their own target which made this a quick, though laborious, process.   
After working through Load-Off and Dean finding his things, they went to their hotel.   
The reception clerk had a friendly face and - even though they were about to fall asleep - got up to receive them.   
"Good night, what can I do for you?"  
"Hello, we have a key under the name Castiel."   
"Let me check... Ah yes. Double room, 102."   
Cas receives the key while Dean tries to protest. "Wait. Double room? There must be a mistake."   
"I'm sorry. We don't have twin rooms available."  
"Thank you. Good night." Castiel grabs Dean by the arm pleading for him to walk along.   
"I'm drained, Dean. It's not important, we've been sharing bedrooms for months."  
"Yeah, but not a bed!"  
"It's fine. We'll make a pillow barrier if you're uncomfortable. I don't move at all in my sleep so I promise I won't bother you."  
As they walked up the minuscule stairs, Cas' hand still tugging at Dean's elbow, he couldn't help but feel his heart being seized by the intrusive thoughts of Cas' warmth near his own body. Castiel opened the wooden door drowsily, revealing the bedroom within. It was only big enough to fit the double bed, a wall-mounted TV and a small desk, having a bathroom tucked on one side.   
Cas' bags were already in a corner of the bedroom, where he promptly walked to retrieve his toiletries so he could have a much-needed shower.   
"You showering now?"   
"If you want to wake up at 4 in the morning just to shower suit yourself."  
"What time is the flight, anyway? I didn't even see Michael today."  
"It's at 6. I thought I was the new guy here." His voice is sleepy but mocking so Dean plays along.  
"Well, I've never been on tour overseas so I guess we're both newbies here."  
Cas halted as he entered the bathroom, his hands full of clothes and bottles alike.   
"I went to Russia once." he winked, stepping inside the white room.   
A while later, Castiel came outside the bathroom fully dressed after Dean had reconsidered and gathered his things to hop in the shower next. Cas moves to the farther side of the bed, getting ready for his usual reading before sleep, feeling more refreshed now and a little less tired.  
Fifteen minutes later, Dean steps out of the bathroom with a towel draped around his waist, drying his hair with a second towel.  
"Hey Cas, come check this ou..."  
But Castiel is sound asleep on his side, the blanket barely covering him, curled up next to the still open journal Dean knew so well. He stops at the sight, smiling to himself and thinking how sweet it is that his journal has become Cas' light reading. Unable to help himself, he walked over to the opposite side of the bed, pulled the blankets over Cas, and tucked him in slightly so he wouldn't feel cold. Hearing his soft breaths, Dean couldn't help but to imagine what it would be like falling asleep to that sound (instead of the usual eighteen indistinguishable snores) every night.  
He decided to get dressed instead of dwelling on thoughts like these, that would lead nowhere but false hope and maybe even despair.   
He popped over to the bathroom to clear the mess he had left behind and returned shortly, getting into bed silently and with utmost care as to not wake Cas - he was used to being quiet in the tour bus but he felt a certain fondness in this situation. Laying down beside Castiel he turned his back on his friend - "just friends, Dean." - careful not to touch him the slightest, trying not to think of the warmth emanating from Cas' body, and whispered "Night Cas." before drifting to sleep himself. 

\--------------

The next morning they left for the airport, stopping at the 24h hotel bar for Dean's cup of coffee - "I'm already afraid of planes, Cas, you want me to be annoyed too?"  
An entire ordeal is prepared for the entire crew, the band, managers, and everyone else to arrive in London as early as humanly possible. They are flying with the usual bus crew, plus part of bus number two - which Charlie is in - while Penny travels with the band.   
Dean is visibly nervous so Charlie tries to calm him down by telling him stories about the past month. She starts telling him about how Cas got along with everyone great and how people started to like him in the first week because of how much he went out of his way to help everybody. A staff member takes each of their bags as they are talking in the terminal, waiting for their turn to get inside the plane.   
"He had a rough few days in the beginning but he came over to our room and we watched Coyote Ugly and we bonded over it."  
Cas' eyes went wider, shooting up at Charlie, who didn't even notice him looking over as she kept rambling about their movie night.  
"You bonded? Over Coyote Ugly?" Dean said, incredulously. "Why? Is any of you going around dancing in bars all wet?" He thought that was a pretty good joke but they ignored him completely.  
"Cas had some opinions."  
Dean's smile turned even more mischievous, assuming Cas found the scenes hot as he did. He slapped his friend on the shoulder, jokingly, "Way to go Cas. I'm telling you, there's only one reason to watch that movie and it ain't the plot."   
"Not that, you pig." Charlie snapped. "Cas isn't like that."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is kind of a filler chapter just to get to the next part of the story. Nevertheless, I still hope it was somewhat enjoyable.   
> Also, I wish everyone a very happy Destiel wedding this week <3


End file.
